Whoa. Sick.

I had to post this while the dry humor was still there... it wouldn't of been as good tomorrow. Today, I woke up sick. No, not a head cold... it couldn't be easy like that. A stomach virus. Thank you 3 year old germ pits. I woke up at 4am and felt what I thought was indigestion, but it was just my stomach getting ready to get rid of everything I ate yesterday. My stomach was burning so intensely, it basically kept me awake from 4am - 8:30am. I finally decided to get up and take some Tums and drink some milk. At this point, I am still thinking it's indigestion and I am threatening Bryson that he must come out with hair because this hurts too bad. I get back in bed and lay there because at this point I start feeling progressively worse fast. 9:30 begins the bathroom trips. I finally realize this is a stomach bug and I'm gonna be out for the day. I ask Josh to go get me Gatorade, so that Bryson and I don't dehydrate. I don't think Bryson appreciated me skipping breakfast... the kicks and punches begin. Let me just tell you, when you're stomach is sore you really don't want to feel someone beating you from the inside. He continues his beatings through lunch.. when I finally decide I must have a few saltine crackers just for Bryson's sake. They didn't stay down, so I just continued to drink my Gatorade. Josh comes in talking about sausage patties and how I need to eat. I mean really? I hate sausage and the last thing I want to hear is about some sausage patties! Nasty. By the way, the only reason he is talking about the sausage is because I had to text him and tell him he must eat lunch. He would've sat in the living room all day, not eating, if I hadn't reminded him of his food options. Men are ridiculous. My stomach and body was aching pretty bad around 1:30, so I decided I wanted to take a nap, so I couldn't feel the pain. Pretty sure the second I fell asleep, I had that creepy feeling and opened my eyes to Josh's face inches from my face. "What are you doing?", he asks. Oh I don't know.. I'm playing a football game, running a marathon, reading the back of my eyes.. what does it look like I am doing?? I am sleeping! He leaves and back to sleep I go... I managed to sleep a total of 2 hours. I was awakened several times because I can't roll over on my own anymore. I have to physically move myself. So when a position got uncomfortable, I woke up to move. Then an event happened that I believe is foreshadowing the future. The dogs woke me up. Why? They were hungry. Where is Josh? Why isn't he handling this? I discover Sleeping Beauty on the couch. Those dogs decided to wake me up instead of Josh. I see the future flash in front of me. The dogs come to me because I am their mom and they know I do everything for them and Dad only does it when he has too. Delta knows Josh is a lost cause to wake up, so she came to me. It's just like when my Mom would not feel good and tell my Dad to watch me and my brother, while she took a nap. I am pretty sure we woke her up every time. So here I am, awake, sore, but I have two lazy, fed dogs laying beside me, while Josh is asleep on the couch. He's going to have his world rocked when Bryson arrives! There was so much he could've done, while I was sick. Like the kitchen... destroyed by his cooking, could have been cleaned. The dog toys strewed across the living room could've been picked up. The shower I have been asking him to clean for the past 3 months could've been done because I'm not allowed to use shower cleaner while pregnant. Butttttt alas... none of this was done. I hope he wakes up reaaaaaaaallll refreshed! And he didn't give Delta her ear medicine this morning because "he needs my help". I guess I have to wake him up or he would probably sleep until tomorrow. I hope this bug is done or close to being done. My stomach has had enough. You haven't experienced anything until you've experienced a stomach virus 8 months pregnant. Not. Fun.